My seven year old son is extremely shy, to the point that when somebody ask him questions, most likely he won’t say anything. I can’t really blame him as both me and my husband are rather on the introvert side. However, sometimes it really bothered me especially when we know the other persons.
Not long ago, he came with me to pick up my youngest son at the daycare. A teacher that has been with the daycare since day one, who also knows my oldest since he was a baby said hi to him. Of course, he didn’t say anything. So I told him jokingly if he won’t say a word, Ms. S would hug and kiss him. Well, he’s at the age where hugging and kissing are (even to his own mom) is a big no no. So Ms. S of course approached him wanting to give him a hug. My son started to push her away. Ms. S was kind enough to give him a space and walked away with her big smile. She totally understood…but I was furious. Instead of yelling, I did:
- Give a little space . No need to be around with each other when we’re upset because it doesn’t help with the situation. I sent him to his room after we got home and told him to think of what he just did. He can only come down after he’s ready to talk about what he just did
- Finding out reasons behind actions . After he showed up fifteen minutes later, I asked him why he didn’t say a word when Ms. S asked him questions and why he pushed her away. He gave me valid reason that he was shy and even more shy when she was trying to hug him
- Put yourself in others’ shoes . I told him, “Imagine yourself running into your best friend at the mall. You called his name and happily approached him. Then your best friend ignored you. How do you feel?” He said, “I would feel bad”
- Punishment that came from heart . Then I said, “I want you to write an apology letter to Ms. S and draw her a beautiful picture. Daddy will give it to the front desk when he’s dropping off your brother tomorrow morning”.
….And that’s what he did.
“Dear Ms. S, I am sorry for pushing you away from me. Love, V”. And he drew a picture of him and her hugging each other.
When I punish my child, I try to use methods that would essentially enhance their creativity. Not only that, this letter of apology also comes from heart. Ms. S told my husband later that evening when he picked up my youngest son that she forgave him and next time she would give him a high five instead.
Guess what? The next time he came with me to pick up his brother, he did answer questions not only from Ms. S but also from others.
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